Scratch That.

Sometimes it’s ok to be a quitter.

That is really hard for me to write. I am one who prides myself on seeing things through, plowing through the hard stuff and checking the box when I’m finished.

But I quit my Algebra class.

I was doing fine, had a high B average and learned a ton about Algebra. (Which had nothing to do with Apologetics, the whole reason I even googled classes to start with.)

I spent the first half of the summer working hundreds of problems, staying up late at night and feeling like life was slipping by as my kids played at the pool and I sat out on the fun.

Is that really what God was calling me to do?

But I had started and, darn it, I was going to see this through. I would show my kids what it looked like to do hard things and remove the potential stumbling block of not having an actual “degree” as I pursued God’s call to write and teach. My friends would admire my tenacity. I’d make my man proud. (See a pattern? An ugly one?)

Then a dear friend came over and loved me enough to challenge me.

She, a math whiz (an accountant!), took one look at my Algebra book. “What does this have to do with Apologetics?”

I explained it was the only general studies course I lacked. I told how I wanted to pursue a degree to remove the stumbling block.

“You do realize there will always be a stumbling block of some kind, right?”

Well, yes, I guess so.

“Is it possible that there is another way to get the training you need without placing such a burden on your time?”

Maybe…well, actually I know there is. It’s just not as “glamorous.” (Ouch, the pride monster has bitten.)

Long story short…I quit the class. I prayed for direction. Then I waited.

Within a couple of weeks I was presented another opportunity…a two-year program that will train me and educate me for ministry. Instead of ten-to-twelve hours of study per week, it will require four. I can do that. I will attend actual live classes once a week, the best part being that it will be alongside friends and leaders from my church. I will not be sitting in front of a computer, alone. I will be interacting and immersed in theology and apologetics and community and I could not be more excited.

God worked out all the details very quickly. He is nodding as I move forward, showing me that yes, this is it. This is the right path. He is preparing me for the second half of my life while allowing me to still enjoy long afternoons with my youngest children who only have six years left of homeschool. Six. That time will be gone in the blink of an eye.

Trust me, I know. I’m about to send my firstborn to college in two short weeks.

I tell you all of this because I am learning, through my own stumbling and false starts, that God sometimes places a passion in our hearts and allows us to explore the options. Then, in love, He redirects us gently. He refines our path, shutting and opening doors, allowing storms and frustration to steer us until we are sailing smooth with the moonlight reflecting off the calm waters as we dock on the other side of our calling. I’m getting in the boat. I’m ready. And I am looking forward to getting out on the other side to use what He is going to teach me to lead women and girls to Jesus Christ through writing, teaching and community.

He has the plan in place. What a humbling realization that He would use me.

I’m yours, Lord. Let’s do this.

Endings and Beginnings

I have so much I could say, but it is ten o’clock on Monday evening and this mama is dog-tired. I’ll try to keep it short 🙂

My oldest child graduated from high school yesterday. Finis. They say not to blink, and I’m glad I didn’t because I watched his life flash before my eyes countless times over the past weeks. Ceremonies and send-offs and speeches, oh my. My heart is full and my tears are bittersweet, for this boy I cradled in awe is now a man and the Lord has His hand all over him.

Praise be to God.

He will head off to college in the Fall, thankfully only and hour and a half from home so he can easily visit. Lots. And I will join the ranks of mamas who rejoice when all their chicks are home in the nest because we remember those sweet, sweet days when they were little and we all just had so much fun.

Yes, it’s an ending, but it is also a very exciting beginning. One that we have raised him to be ready for. One that will bring challenge and maturity and will make my boy into a man. I pray he will be a godly one. I believe he will.

An ending and a beginning. A new season of family life with one down, four to go, and mama is finally having a little time on her hands.

So I have to tell you, recently an internet searched ensued and, the next thing I knew, I was going back to college! Yes, me. At 46 (almost 47!). What am I thinking?

Well, lots of things, but mostly about the need for women to be educated in the things of God, to combat the lies permeating our culture and womens’ ministries, and for me to write out of a place of training and deeper knowledge so that, together, we can discern truth and discard the dangerous false teachings that seem to be absolutely everywhere these days.

I’m going back to school with the long-term goal of completing my once-abandoned bachelor’s degree and writing for the Church in some form. I will be using Liberty University Online, which will give me the flexibility I need to even begin to take this on, and majoring in Religion with an Apologetics Cognate.

I am excited, and I am nervous because, y’all, I have to take MATH. College Algebra, to be exact! I am beginning this week so, if you think of me, will you pray? I am getting Math out of the way first so I don’t spend any more time dreading it. I still have much homeschooling ahead but I believe I can fit in one class. I’m not in a hurry. I have no idea what to expect time-wise so I’ll take it one class at a time until my kids are grown. It will take a few years to finish, but I am looking forward to the process and what I will learn in those years. I’ll share with you as much as I can but, I’m sure you understand that I probably won’t be here every week. I’ll be writing my fingers off and this sweet little internet home will have to take a back seat. I’ll post here when I am able, and I’ll be sure to let you know when I do.

Thank you for praying and thanks for understanding that I’ll be a bit more sporadic for a while:) Something’s got to give, right?