Sometimes it’s ok to be a quitter.
That is really hard for me to write. I am one who prides myself on seeing things through, plowing through the hard stuff and checking the box when I’m finished.
But I quit my Algebra class.
I was doing fine, had a high B average and learned a ton about Algebra. (Which had nothing to do with Apologetics, the whole reason I even googled classes to start with.)
I spent the first half of the summer working hundreds of problems, staying up late at night and feeling like life was slipping by as my kids played at the pool and I sat out on the fun.
Is that really what God was calling me to do?
But I had started and, darn it, I was going to see this through. I would show my kids what it looked like to do hard things and remove the potential stumbling block of not having an actual “degree” as I pursued God’s call to write and teach. My friends would admire my tenacity. I’d make my man proud. (See a pattern? An ugly one?)
Then a dear friend came over and loved me enough to challenge me.
She, a math whiz (an accountant!), took one look at my Algebra book. “What does this have to do with Apologetics?”
I explained it was the only general studies course I lacked. I told how I wanted to pursue a degree to remove the stumbling block.
“You do realize there will always be a stumbling block of some kind, right?”
Well, yes, I guess so.
“Is it possible that there is another way to get the training you need without placing such a burden on your time?”
Maybe…well, actually I know there is. It’s just not as “glamorous.” (Ouch, the pride monster has bitten.)
Long story short…I quit the class. I prayed for direction. Then I waited.
Within a couple of weeks I was presented another opportunity…a two-year program that will train me and educate me for ministry. Instead of ten-to-twelve hours of study per week, it will require four. I can do that. I will attend actual live classes once a week, the best part being that it will be alongside friends and leaders from my church. I will not be sitting in front of a computer, alone. I will be interacting and immersed in theology and apologetics and community and I could not be more excited.
God worked out all the details very quickly. He is nodding as I move forward, showing me that yes, this is it. This is the right path. He is preparing me for the second half of my life while allowing me to still enjoy long afternoons with my youngest children who only have six years left of homeschool. Six. That time will be gone in the blink of an eye.
Trust me, I know. I’m about to send my firstborn to college in two short weeks.
I tell you all of this because I am learning, through my own stumbling and false starts, that God sometimes places a passion in our hearts and allows us to explore the options. Then, in love, He redirects us gently. He refines our path, shutting and opening doors, allowing storms and frustration to steer us until we are sailing smooth with the moonlight reflecting off the calm waters as we dock on the other side of our calling. I’m getting in the boat. I’m ready. And I am looking forward to getting out on the other side to use what He is going to teach me to lead women and girls to Jesus Christ through writing, teaching and community.
He has the plan in place. What a humbling realization that He would use me.
I’m yours, Lord. Let’s do this.